June’s Story

June (7) is Becky’s oldest daughter and a huge inspiration for The Rainbow Project. Becky has spent the majority of June’s life as a “stay at home mom,” only spending a few days a week at a home daycare for socialization and while Becky worked a few hours a week as a pediatric sleep specialist.

Background Story

June was 2 years old when Becky experienced her first pregnancy loss, really unaware of what was going on. Several more babies were lost by the time June was 3 years old. Although I didn’t want to explain to her what was going on, since it was such an adult concept, we now know that June was deeply impacted by seeing her mom so sad. This sadness created worry for June, which would affect her down the road.

Sterling’s Pregnancy

During Becky’s 5th pregnancy, June was old enough to know she was going to be a big sister. She was SO excited and took the role very seriously, practicing taking care of baby on her own dolls. At 27 weeks pregnant, Becky dropped June off at her home daycare and headed to a doctor’s appointment. It was there that her blood pressure was considered too high and she needed to be hospitalized and receive steroid shots in case imminent delivery was necessary. June was unaware of what was going on, since it was just a few days away. To her this was a fun time at “pop pops” house. Fast forward to 5 days later and Becky again dropped June off at daycare, kissed her goodbye, and told her she will pick her up at the end of the day. Becky went to her doctor’s appointment and this time, her blood pressure was at a critical level. She was sent to labor and delivery and was admitted. Within the first day it was made clear that Becky was not leaving the hospital pregnant. In June’s eyes, mommy never came back to pick her up and the trust was broken.

June was immediately thrown into a world that didn’t include her mommy, her main caregiver. Her chef, director of activities, booboo healer, snuggler, bedtime story teller, and extremely important person in her life.

Hospital Visitation

Due to COVID, there were no visitors under 18 allowed at the hospital, leaving June unable to visit her mom inside of the hospital. Instead, visits were conducted outside on the cafeteria patio or out in a field by a walking path. There was no access to a bathroom, no ability to get out of the heat or buy and eat a meal together. Some visits were good and there were hugs but most visits were riddled with anxiety. June was clearly not herself and was nervous to even hug her mommy at times. Some days she expressed not wanting to visit, which we respected, but this weighed heavily on Becky.

June’s Anxiety + Family Therapist

June’s anxiety manifested in many ways - nervousness, a change in eating habits, bathroom accidents, and overall acting out. We knew she was struggling but didn’t quite know how to support her.

Our family hired a licensed family and marriage counselor to join our team, as her caregivers rallied around her to care for her. June was being cared for by her “pop pop” (Becky’s dad) during this time so we all attended therapy sessions where we would get on the same page about how to handle behaviors. June also started play therapy. These were important steps as we walked through the next 48 days.

Sterling’s Birth

The day of Becky’s induction, June came for one last visit. She had no idea that her life was changing even more this day.

As soon as the induction started, Becky was hooked up to magnesium, an IV medication used to prevent seizures. This in a sense entered her into an ICU care approach and wouldn’t have allowed for any visiting. Even after Sterling’s birth, Becky was groggy and in pain, unable to visit June. It was 7 days before Becky was able to see June again.

Discharged + The NICU

Becky spent 4 more days at the hospital post birth and finally returned home. But wait, where was June’s baby brother? The confusion really increased from here. Her mommy had left pregnant, was away for 7 weeks, and now was home without a baby. This proved to be very difficult for June to navigate.

Due to COVID, no children were allowed in the hospital and certainly not in the NICU. June saw her brother over Facetime and photos but this was the extent of their contact.

Sterling stayed in the NICU for 17 days and was discharged on August 20th 2021. June was so elated to meet her baby brother, finally she got to hold and kiss him. She instantly loved him, not an ounce of jealously or anything other than pure love.

The aftermath

Since Becky’s hospitalization June has struggled tremendously and has been deeply affected by this experience, even 3 years later. I suspect that much of her anxiety stems from Becky’s sudden disappearance from her home life and her inability to visit Becky inside the hospital or in a more normal setting. She continues to meet with our family therapist, which has been paramount in our family’s adjustment back to normal life. We can’t put a number on how long June’s readjustment will take. We will love her through it no matter how long it takes!

The Rainbow Project

One of the missions of The Rainbow Project is to provide care packages for the older children of antepartum women. These care packages are based upon June’s experience and the items that brought her comfort during her separation from her mommy. Becky is pioneering the changes needed to support not just antepartum mothers but also the family as a whole, partner and children included.